Inconsistencies in Reasoning [Incomplete]
[date written: 2006-04-27]
To some extent I attempt to skip over the inconsistencies of my perceptions. I'm worried that if people see my perceptions as incomplete they will dismiss them, rather than attempting to finish the work that I have started.
Last night I was laying in bed reading, when I realized that it was pointless for me to accrue more data, when I had not finished reconciling the data that I already had. For a reason that I have not yet discovered, I have been delaying work on my philosophical perceptions. In part, I convinced myself that I did not have time for them currently, and I would make time for them once university was complete; I know that this was just an excuse, however.
Possibly the true reason lies much deeper: a fear that I will be unable to finish what I have begun, or a subconscious anxiety that a conclusion may be in sight.
Whilst laying in bed I considered the brick wall behind my bed, and I could not reconcile this with my philosophical perceptions. I understood the human reason for the brick wall (the support that it granted the roof, the ensuing shelter the room provided), but my dilemma was at a deeper level. I understood possession as being no different to how ants sort food, waste and corpses; I understood action to be mechanical and necessary, even if it is non-deterministic (more on this in a later post); but, I could not reconcile these things with nihilism.
Here stood my dilemma: if this is the only reality, then its manifestation acknowledges an external will; if this is not the only reality, then how is it that this consciousness (my ego) is bound within this object (my body)?
When I state nihilism, I always say "there is nothing, not even the possibility of there being", but have I truly perceived the last part of this statement, or is it simply a belief?
To some extent I attempt to skip over the inconsistencies of my perceptions. I'm worried that if people see my perceptions as incomplete they will dismiss them, rather than attempting to finish the work that I have started.
Last night I was laying in bed reading, when I realized that it was pointless for me to accrue more data, when I had not finished reconciling the data that I already had. For a reason that I have not yet discovered, I have been delaying work on my philosophical perceptions. In part, I convinced myself that I did not have time for them currently, and I would make time for them once university was complete; I know that this was just an excuse, however.
Possibly the true reason lies much deeper: a fear that I will be unable to finish what I have begun, or a subconscious anxiety that a conclusion may be in sight.
Whilst laying in bed I considered the brick wall behind my bed, and I could not reconcile this with my philosophical perceptions. I understood the human reason for the brick wall (the support that it granted the roof, the ensuing shelter the room provided), but my dilemma was at a deeper level. I understood possession as being no different to how ants sort food, waste and corpses; I understood action to be mechanical and necessary, even if it is non-deterministic (more on this in a later post); but, I could not reconcile these things with nihilism.
Here stood my dilemma: if this is the only reality, then its manifestation acknowledges an external will; if this is not the only reality, then how is it that this consciousness (my ego) is bound within this object (my body)?
When I state nihilism, I always say "there is nothing, not even the possibility of there being", but have I truly perceived the last part of this statement, or is it simply a belief?
2 comments:
Hmmmm, I thought I posted here - but I can't see it.....
Keep collecting the data - don't stop. Maybe fitting the data into your current view isn't the way - maybe you need to keep searching. Maybe you'll never find the answer, maybe there isn't one, maybe it doesn't matter. Did you have fun looking? Did you suffer? I guess you'll know when this phase is over.
But what would I know - I'm just another inferior being that can't comprehend your theories. Right?
I suppose that I am deserving of that rebuke. Firstly, I said that I "believe that I am beyond contemporary humans", not superior to them. It may seem only a semantic difference, but there is a distinction. As I hold a pantheistic perception of existence, comparisons of worth and superiority are void. My intent was to convey that I believe myself wiser than others.
Secondly, I emphasize that this is only a belief - an unfounded postulation. This meta-information enables me to act free of the belief, and I consciously attempt to. This belief is a consequence of my pride and egotism - elements of my 'being' that I am currently working to overcome.
I value those that seek Knowledge, and will never consider myself superior to any other seeker.
How can fitting information into my current view not be the way? My current view is a consequence/collaboration of my observations. If new information conflicts with my current view, then I will be forced to resolve the conflict and grow. If new information corroborates my current view then it reinforces my view's validity. I can see no advantage in abandoning the information I have collected.
It is quite possible that I will never find the answer, but it is my gnostic nature to try. I agree that the answer probably does not matter - all is purposeless from a Nihilist perspective - but there is the potential that it is paramount - as knowledge is the goal of gnosticism.
I have suffered greatly in my search, and I wonder whether the pain that I hold onto fuels me or retards me. As a masochist I have enjoyed this pain; as an ego I have enjoyed the senses of accomplishment that come with revealing new epiphanies.
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